On Soulmates

Do you believe in soulmates?

The topic seems to be trending among my peers, stemming from an ongoing conversation about predestination vs. free will. I find it interesting how many people have conflicting views concerning these topics--belief in predestination, but not soulmates, or belief in free will with soulmates. Maybe we're confused about what "soulmates" actually are. Maybe we're confused about what all of these words mean.

A soulmate, by definition, is "one with whom one shares strong affinity [a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.]"[dictionary.com].

Furthermore, I will say that I believe in free will in a predestined universe. "Destiny" is "something that is to happen... to a particular person." I think the problem a lot of people have with the word "predestination" is the implication that God is forcing us to do something that, perhaps, we have no desire to do; God has decided our fates for us. I believe that we have the ability to make choices for ourselves, but I also believe that God knows all of our steps before we take them. This doesn't make our decisions any less ours, God simply knows the decisions we're going to make beforehand.

Therefore, given that we choose a life according to God's standards and biblical law, where does the concept of soulmates come into the equation?

It's fair to say that the idea of soulmates has been overly-mystified over the centuries, but it's important to remember that the concept existed long before Jesus was born. Greek philosophers and writers were infatuated with the concept of "twin souls," separated upon entering physical bodies, and in a life-long search for one another on earth.

"Bashert" is the Yiddish word for "destiny," and is used in the context of a predetermined spouse in Jewish culture; "basherte" is used to denote the female and "basherter" the male in a predestined marriage. One of the famous Jewish proverbs dictates that "marriages are made in heaven."

Actually, it doesn't sound so mystical anymore. It sounds biblical to me; it sounds superbly and exquisitely romantic.

There are billions of people on the planet, and surely many with whom one could find compatibility enough for marriage, but what of real, true soulmates? What about "twin souls"? Is this an overly-romanticized concept that makes for great movies and books, but doesn't carry any weight in real life? Or is this something real that too many people deny themselves in a world filled with liars, cheaters, and heart-breakers?

My past dating relationships were more than disappointing. They left me bitter, jaded, hurt, closed-off, walled-in; after a while, I was certain that if I watched one more relationship fail, I would simply move to Europe and forget about everyone else.

And then I dated again. And it failed again. And something amazing happened: I was alright.

Of course, I was hurt, and lonely, and a little angry. The truth of the matter is that, ultimately, I was content in then singleness that was obviously meant to be at the time. I began doing a lot of self-searching, and I realized that, despite my contentedness, my ideas about my future husband were rapidly changing, and I almost didn't realize it.

Some of the people around me--very well-meaning people, mind you--in an attempt, I'm sure, to be encouraging and motivating, were telling me, in more eloquent words that I can force myself to conjure, that I needed to lower my expectations for my future husband; that the man I had in mind simply did not exist.

I tried to find a balance between thinking realistically and not forgetting that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), but these seemed like conflicting ideas. God is not a God of delusion and disappointment, after all. I began to make it my prayer that my desires for my own life and God's desires would align, that whoever I was going to end up with would be exactly who God designed for me.

"Designed." The word came up again and again. This is what led to the "soulmate" conversation. This is when I began researching where the idea came from, and this is what I decided I believe:

I think, first of all, that God is the ultimate Romancer of our souls. He is love, and every page of the Bible is testament to this fact. His relationship with His people is the greatest love story ever told, and to expect anything less than a man whose desire is to love his wife the way that God loves us is to do a disservice to oneself and to God's handiwork (i.e., relationships in general; He is, after all, the Inventor of love and relationships.).

I think my idea of what a soulmate is is akin to the Greek idea of "twin souls." In my mind, a relationship is like a living organism designed by God Himself and composed of two major parts; two souls. I think that relationships are only successful when you enter into them with that only other person who can perfectly and seamlessly compose the other half of the relationship, and when you let God, the Designer of that relationship, do what He will with it.

So, don't fret, darlings! I'm tired of girls being deceived into thinking that just because there are a few jerks in the universe they need to lower their expectations for their romantic lives. Don't do it! God didn't offer His Son to save our souls so that we could live disappointing, sub-par lives.