On Boundaries

God has a way of making everything in my life tie together; I am simply astounded.

Preface: In my LifeGroup, we are reading a book all about boundaries, learning when to say "yes" and how to say "no." I'll admit, at first, I wasn't sure I was going to get much out of it, but it has opened my eyes to so many things about myself and the people around me!

OK, without giving too much intimate details, it has come to my attention that, in my life, I have let people take advantage of me and take me for granted. It has left me empty, exhausted, and feeling unappreciated. I didn't realize that the root of this problem is that I had no boundaries! Before I realized that that was the issue, I essentially cut the people out of my life who were taking me for granted (this was necessary--these people were also bad influences on me and my walk with God). I also quit my job in the restaurant industry--talk about being a doormat and an emotional punching bag for a job! This made a difference, but the final change came when I realized I was the one who had no boundaries. I say "yes" to everything! I feel like a bad friend/girlfriend/daughter/sister if I don't help out when I am able.

Then we talked about Galatians 6:2 in my LifeGroup. Galatians 6:2 is the one that says "Carry each others' burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." But there is a difference between burdens and responsibilities. Your responsibilities are your own, and no one else's. We should share burdens that are too much to bare for one person, but it is not your job to bare another's responsibilities. This includes work responsibilities, financial responsibilities, personal health responsibilities... you get the picture. Sometimes the lines get fuzzy and gray, and sometimes when responsibilities first arise, they can be daunting, and aid may be necessary. But when you constantly rely on those around you to bare with you your responsibilities, you are taking advantage of those trying to help you. This is very important. Those around you will grow weary of it. And you are not a very good friend for, essentially, manipulating them into baring responsibilities that are yours and yours alone. We can all agree with you in prayer, but it is not everyone else's job to take care of your responsibilities. They have responsibilities of their own and lives of their own in which they need to be present, and they can't do that when they spend all their time taking care of your responsibilities.

Those on the other side of this scenario, like myself, need a swift kick in the tush also. You have to know when someone else's responsibilities are not yours. This is hard--it's hard to watch those you love struggle with something, and it's perfectly okay to offer advice and prayers and guidance and support, but you have your own responsibilities. Your responsibilities do not end with personal and work responsibilities; you have responsibilities to those around you: your friends, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, children... When you neglect those people to handle someone else's responsibilities, it hurts. I have been in the neglected position myself. It's as if you're not anywhere on the priority list; responsibilities that do not belong to the person neglecting you are taking precedence over you, and it is not a good feeling. Bare that in mind next time a friend asks for a "favor" when you made plans with your boyfriend/sister/mother/brother/girlfriend/spouse/whoever. It does not honor God when you neglect your responsibilities to handle someone else's. And those people you're "helping" are not very good friends for making their responsibilities yours.

It's about boundaries. Knowing when to say "yes" and how to say "no" ... and why.

More later on my latest epiphanies.