If you've hung around me long enough, you've heard me say the words "your life should look different." I wanted to write a bit about where that verbiage comes from, what it means, and why I believe it.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." --Romans 12:2
When Paul writes, "do not be conformed to this world," what he means is that we should not act in a way that aligns with the standards of the world. Our standards, as Christians, should be different. Paul continues, "be transformed by the renewing of your mind," meaning we should be dramatically changed by the complete refreshing of our thoughts and hearts. The verse goes on, "by testing you may discern what is the will of God," meaning that by taking measures to check the reliability of God's word, by trying it out ourselves in our own lives, we may recognize the will of God for ourselves, which is "good and acceptable and perfect."
There are a lot of decisions I have made in the past and continue to make, adhering to the principles outlined in this verse. It is because Jesus is Lord of my life and because he changed me completely, that I, as a single woman, never spent time with members of the opposite sex alone, never texted or called them for extended personal conversations, didn't go on dinners that weren't dates, didn't accept a relationship that was anything less than consecrated and pure. It is why, as a dating woman, I didn't have sex or anything like it. When my husband and I were dating, we barely even spent any time alone, just the two of us. It is why, at my wedding, my husband and I carefully selected each song that would be played at our reception--so that those in attendance who did not know Jesus, but knew that we were Christians, would not misunderstand us or confuse our lifestyle with their own. It is why I don't drink in public: It's in a contract I've signed to be in leadership in my church, so out of respect for authority, I won't. But more importantly, I know what a stronghold it is for so many of the people in my life, so I refrain. Additionally, I know how it would look if someone were to see me with a drink in my hand in public; I would look no different from any other person drinking at the bar--and that's the point. Because I'm consecrated and called, I do not live in or believe in "gray areas." I live my life in black-and-white, which I believe to be quite biblical. I don't gossip about people, or judge them, or exclude them, or do anything that could possibly compromise the reputation of myself or my church or, most importantly, my God. I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit on these issues, and nothing will sway me otherwise.
None of these things are restrictions for me. In fact, I find in retrospect that the time I spent not following Jesus felt like it came at a much greater personal sacrifice than living for him. Being consecrated and holy and different--that's my calling. It doesn't feel like a personal sacrifice because it involves me being exactly the person I am supposed to be, the person I was designed to be. In the same way that it would not be right to ask a fish to fly, because that is not its purpose, it would not be right of me to be anything less than what God has called me to be.
Ask yourself: Does your life look different from the lives of the people around you, or does it look exactly the same? Do people have to get to know you to know that you're a Christian, or is it evident in the way you live your life? Do you live an uncompromising black-and-white lifestyle, or are you constantly finding yourself in gray, substandard areas?
If we, as Christians, are supposed to affect the lost around us, how are we to do so if they can't even tell us apart from themselves?
Monday, March 24, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
On My Newest Resolution
Who says you can only make resolutions on New Year's? That's just an excuse to put off setting goals for yourself.
So, here's mine:
Many of you may not know this about me, but it has been a long-term dream of mine to write a book. I have floated between a few topics that I think are all rooted in the same thing. But developing these into a cohesive idea that could take up the space of an entire book is overwhelming. So, I haven't done it. I have been playing with these ideas like putty in my hands for years and have not put pen to paper (or rather, fingertips to to computer keys).
But, enough is enough!
I am going to start playing with these ideas on my blog. And, what's more, I am resolving, right here and now, to start by committing to one blog post a week.
You have to crawl before you can walk (that's not actually true, but we'll get to that later).
Now, I don't expect to write exclusively about the topics that I want my book to be about. Because, let's be honest, there's a lot going on in my life--newlywed, expectant mom, soon-to-be homeowner, first year teacher, I could go on--and I want to explore all of it! And my favorite way to explore is to write.
The word "essay," after all, comes from the latin exagium, which means "to examine or test." And, if there's anything in life I'm passionate about, it's essaying. Examining. Testing. Trying. Metacognition. That's why I called my blog "On Thinking." Because any writing to should be somewhat metacognitive--we should always be examining even our own thoughts on things.
And so, I'm making a commitment to myself, to anyone who reads this blog, and to those who have told me to figure out what it is a like to do and DO IT. One blog per week. Hold me accountable, friends! I'm counting on you!
So, here's mine:
Many of you may not know this about me, but it has been a long-term dream of mine to write a book. I have floated between a few topics that I think are all rooted in the same thing. But developing these into a cohesive idea that could take up the space of an entire book is overwhelming. So, I haven't done it. I have been playing with these ideas like putty in my hands for years and have not put pen to paper (or rather, fingertips to to computer keys).
But, enough is enough!
I am going to start playing with these ideas on my blog. And, what's more, I am resolving, right here and now, to start by committing to one blog post a week.
You have to crawl before you can walk (that's not actually true, but we'll get to that later).
Now, I don't expect to write exclusively about the topics that I want my book to be about. Because, let's be honest, there's a lot going on in my life--newlywed, expectant mom, soon-to-be homeowner, first year teacher, I could go on--and I want to explore all of it! And my favorite way to explore is to write.
The word "essay," after all, comes from the latin exagium, which means "to examine or test." And, if there's anything in life I'm passionate about, it's essaying. Examining. Testing. Trying. Metacognition. That's why I called my blog "On Thinking." Because any writing to should be somewhat metacognitive--we should always be examining even our own thoughts on things.
And so, I'm making a commitment to myself, to anyone who reads this blog, and to those who have told me to figure out what it is a like to do and DO IT. One blog per week. Hold me accountable, friends! I'm counting on you!
Monday, December 16, 2013
On The Ring
Yesterday morning, while I was getting ready for church, I noticed that my engagement ring needed some cleaning. So, while I blow-dried my hair, I let it soak in some hot water with baking soda and dish detergent. On my way to church, my ring caught the sunlight, and I smiled as I looked at it, in all its sparkle, and I thought about what it means to me.
Before my first date with my husband, before I was even considering going on a first date with my husband, before my husband and I were really even friends (we were acquaintances), I went to Ireland for a missions trip.
While in Ireland, I was looking for a souvenir for myself, and another girl on the trip pointed me in the direction of claddagh rings. Claddagh rings typically look like this:
They are used as Irish engagement rings and represent love (the heart), loyalty (the crown), and friendship (the hands). A claddagh ring is traditionally worn on the right hand's ring finger, and when a person is single, the heart of the ring faces outward toward the world, letting all eligible men and women know that the person is available. When a man or woman is in a relationship, the ring is turned around so that the heart face inward towards the wrist. And when a person has found the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with, the ring is worn on the left hand's ring finger (just like an engagement ring).
I was never much for purity rings (there is nothing wrong with them, they just weren't for me). But something about this appealed to me; it was so incredibly romantic! So, I decided I would look for one for myself as well.
I was never much for purity rings (there is nothing wrong with them, they just weren't for me). But something about this appealed to me; it was so incredibly romantic! So, I decided I would look for one for myself as well.
But I came across something even better. This:
That is a claddagh ring with the trinity on either side of the heart rather than the hands. I sat and pondered this ring, spinning it between my fingers over and over again and contemplating it. It meant something so much more to me. I reflected on something a pastor had told me when I was sixteen-years-old: "You and your future husband should collide in God's very presence." It was like, if the heart represented my romantic life (which had been, for lack of a better word, bumpy up until this point in my life), it needed to be taken out of my own hands and put in the middle of something else. There the heart was, safely protected under loyalty, and nestled in the presence of God, the inventor of romance itself.
I had to have it. And there it rested on my finger until the day it was replaced with my engagement ring (though there is a funny story about the time I lost it and had to replace it).
I told the ring's story absolutely everywhere I went. It was a daily physical reminder of how much God loves me, how much he was in love with me, and that he was taking care of me. For perhaps the first time in my life, I was completely satisfied in God with this part of my life. I finally understood the importance of surrendering these desires over to him. If I couldn't sustain my romantic relationship with God, how could I ever sustain it with another person? And by that I mean, if I couldn't remember how much God loved me, and held me together, and guided me, and provided for me, how could I see those things in a person? What an amazing time in my life. I had never felt so enveloped in love in my whole life.
The claddagh made for some pretty adorable moments in my relationship with my husband. I'll never forget the day he asked me to be his girlfriend (our second date, on the side of Stone Mountain, on one of the hottest days I can remember). Later that evening, while sitting on the same side of a booth in a place in Atlanta, my right hand in his, he asked, "don't we need to turn this around?" So he slipped it off my finger, turned it, and replaced it. What a stud. I am smiling like a giddy teenager even as I type this.
So, when it came time to find my engagement ring, my husband had mine made in Dublin, Ireland.
He had the trinity knots put on the band. When I first laid eyes on it, I couldn't believe how completely perfect it was!
He had the trinity knots put on the band. When I first laid eyes on it, I couldn't believe how completely perfect it was!
So, the lesson here is simple: single or not, God is your first love. He is always going to be the Romancer of your soul. We have to be completely satisfied in him before we can be satisfied with another. I know that we say all the time we want a Christ-centered relationship, but I wanted a Christ-engulfed relationship. I wanted to, as the pastor told me, collide in the very presence of God.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
On Finding a Man (This Post Is Not Just For Women!)
It's the talk of the town: how does a single Christian woman find her husband?
Well, I am going to tell you how I found mine in hopes that, like me, you learn a lot from the experiences of others.
Here's the thing: I was single once. I get it. I understand you. You think that I cannot possibly relate to what you're going through. But you're wrong. Because I have been there.
A lot of you know my story; you know that I spent my singleness in preparation for my husband-to-be. But I want to share with you exactly what I mean by that. What I mean by that is not that I spent a lot of time learning the yummiest recipes, buying the cutest outfits, and memorizing Proverbs 31.
What I mean by that is, in all the times I had been single, I had always spent that time searching for my husband. But, in the bout of singleness I experienced before meeting Scooter, I tried something different. I tried not searching for him. I tried praying for him. I tried waiting instead of hunting.
This is difficult for those of us who color ourselves "impatient." There is something you need to ask yourself if you've ever described yourself in this way, especially in regards to your romantic life: What does your impatience over your future marriage say about your relationship with God? If, as a child, I ask my mother repeatedly, "when will dinner be ready? Is it ready yet? What are we eating? When are we eating?" what does that communicate? Is that the communication of someone who trusts that food will, in fact, be presented to them in the proper time? Or is that the communication of someone who fears that if they do not incessantly remind the preparer of the food of their hunger, that the preparer will forget about it?
I know what the single culture is like: It's competitive, cutthroat, ruthless, and a downright game. But I did not want to play the game. It makes you hungry. And that hunger can make you a monster. If you've ever skipped lunch or missed your morning coffee, you know exactly what I am talking about. That kind of hunger can control you and turn you into someone you don't even recognize.
Even in the church world, we can bat our eyes with the best of them. We find biblical loopholes that allow us to act like, for lack of a better term, complete idiots around the opposite sex. Shameless flirting within the church walls is still shameless flirting. I hated this about the single culture because it is so divisive. I valued my same gender friendships and guarded them carefully, but the incessant flirting and competition can make the environment toxic and hostile very quickly. Church, we need to intentionally watch out for this. Don't be that girl who messes with the boundary lines constantly. Please recognize your actions for what they are: acts of insecurity.
Flaunting your stuff is not a show of confidence; you are showing off how very little you think of yourself. And not just of yourself, but of your future husband.
Back to my story: I prayed for my husband. But I prayed for myself, too. A LOT. I asked myself, "What is God trying to do with me in this season?" I realized that I needed to take advantage of the time that I had a single person to figure out my own relationship with God, because maybe he was holding me back from that next season of my life for a reason. So, I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I purposefully counted myself out of the single game, and owned up to being holy and separate and unlike the culture around me. And then, a question arose:
Emily, think about the person that you are searching for. Now, think about the kind of person that that person is searching for.
Are you the person that the person that you're looking for is looking for?
I needed to think about this some more. And, here's where I landed:
I studied some ancient beliefs about spouses. My favorite was the Hebrew belief that marriages were made in Heaven. Two souls are separated on earth and destined to find each other: soul mates. How incredibly romantic! That idea reminded me of a song from one of my favorite childhood movies:
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once
Upon a dream
And, the most romantic idea occurred to me: I already knew my future husband. I started to recognize and identify my soul as something that was not of this world, something that had connections with the eternal and the Heavenly. My soul was destined to unite with another soul, who was also trapped in human form somewhere in the world. Even though I wouldn't recognize his earthly form, when we collided on earth, each pursuing our own individual godly purposes, our souls would recognize each other.
Stay with me! I promise it is not my intent to over-spiritualize this. But, the thing is, that's what we are. We are skin and bone, but what matters are our souls and our spirits. Right?
God gave us these magnificent souls, wrapped them in human form, and set our lives in motion. The Creator of all things, who fashioned and formed me very specifically and particularly, who knows absolutely everything about me, had already promised me a husband and soul mate. I realized that before when I was husband hunting, I was not trusting that God was going to provide something that he had already promised me. My husband was already mine. I did not need to win him or claim him; he was already promised to me, and I to him. I was truly my husband's betrothed. And I acted like it--like a woman who was spoken for.
Since the moment that Scooter asked me on our very first date, I have known that I am the only one in his life. I have known that I am the apple of his eye and the object of his affections. My confidence in these things never faltered. Do you think for one second that a relationship that spurs from the winning of a competition of short skirts and flirty laughs can boast the same confidence? Doubtful.
But, the key to this paradigm was that in order to obtain this sort of relationship, I had to be recognizable to my future husband. Because he would not recognize me as his based on my outward appearance, but by my heart, I had some close examination to do. I believed that our souls were destined for each other by God. So, it seemed logical to me that this meant that I should be as close to God's heart as possible. What I realized very quickly was that I was nowhere near as close to God's heart as I could be.
What I am trying to say is that finding your future husband is not about growing into the best Single Woman. It's about growing into the best Christian that you can be. It's about getting as close to God's heart as you can. Finding my future husband was not going to be like a blind date; my descriptors were not going to be, "I'll be the one in the little black dress with a Bible in my hand." I already knew who the man that I was looking for would be looking for: "I'll be the one making disciples, serving my church, seeking out God's will for my life, studying His word, singing His songs, etc."
That's the kind of woman that man you're looking for is looking for. Not the one who laughs the most flirtatiously. Not the one who flips her hair just right. Not the one incessantly asking God to fill her hunger for a husband. But the one who incessantly asks God to fill her hunger for Himself, and His word, and His purpose.
So, that is exactly what I did. I pursued and pursued and pursued God. And He did not let me down. He romanced me in ways that I never knew I could be. He set a mighty high bar for Scooter. I was so incredibly romanced by my Creator, that I had actually stopped looking around for my husband. In this way, God showed me exactly how to recognize my soul mate. And, you know what? I did. This was not a love-at-first-sight kind of thing. But, it was pretty fast. When I got to know Scooter's heart, I knew. I recognized him. I cannot in earthly words describe to you what sort of feelings came over me when I recognized him.
Every girl deserves this feeling. But first, you've got some work to do. You are first and foremost a Christian, so act like it. Do not let your hunger for a husband make you unrecognizable to your own soul mate. Let the God who created you romance you to the ends of the earth. Let God show you how to recognize your future husband. Trust God to fill your appetite with something so much better than you could have dreamed of. There is no shame or disappointment in this.
Well, I am going to tell you how I found mine in hopes that, like me, you learn a lot from the experiences of others.
Here's the thing: I was single once. I get it. I understand you. You think that I cannot possibly relate to what you're going through. But you're wrong. Because I have been there.
A lot of you know my story; you know that I spent my singleness in preparation for my husband-to-be. But I want to share with you exactly what I mean by that. What I mean by that is not that I spent a lot of time learning the yummiest recipes, buying the cutest outfits, and memorizing Proverbs 31.
What I mean by that is, in all the times I had been single, I had always spent that time searching for my husband. But, in the bout of singleness I experienced before meeting Scooter, I tried something different. I tried not searching for him. I tried praying for him. I tried waiting instead of hunting.
This is difficult for those of us who color ourselves "impatient." There is something you need to ask yourself if you've ever described yourself in this way, especially in regards to your romantic life: What does your impatience over your future marriage say about your relationship with God? If, as a child, I ask my mother repeatedly, "when will dinner be ready? Is it ready yet? What are we eating? When are we eating?" what does that communicate? Is that the communication of someone who trusts that food will, in fact, be presented to them in the proper time? Or is that the communication of someone who fears that if they do not incessantly remind the preparer of the food of their hunger, that the preparer will forget about it?
I know what the single culture is like: It's competitive, cutthroat, ruthless, and a downright game. But I did not want to play the game. It makes you hungry. And that hunger can make you a monster. If you've ever skipped lunch or missed your morning coffee, you know exactly what I am talking about. That kind of hunger can control you and turn you into someone you don't even recognize.
Even in the church world, we can bat our eyes with the best of them. We find biblical loopholes that allow us to act like, for lack of a better term, complete idiots around the opposite sex. Shameless flirting within the church walls is still shameless flirting. I hated this about the single culture because it is so divisive. I valued my same gender friendships and guarded them carefully, but the incessant flirting and competition can make the environment toxic and hostile very quickly. Church, we need to intentionally watch out for this. Don't be that girl who messes with the boundary lines constantly. Please recognize your actions for what they are: acts of insecurity.
Flaunting your stuff is not a show of confidence; you are showing off how very little you think of yourself. And not just of yourself, but of your future husband.
Back to my story: I prayed for my husband. But I prayed for myself, too. A LOT. I asked myself, "What is God trying to do with me in this season?" I realized that I needed to take advantage of the time that I had a single person to figure out my own relationship with God, because maybe he was holding me back from that next season of my life for a reason. So, I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I purposefully counted myself out of the single game, and owned up to being holy and separate and unlike the culture around me. And then, a question arose:
Emily, think about the person that you are searching for. Now, think about the kind of person that that person is searching for.
Are you the person that the person that you're looking for is looking for?
I needed to think about this some more. And, here's where I landed:
I studied some ancient beliefs about spouses. My favorite was the Hebrew belief that marriages were made in Heaven. Two souls are separated on earth and destined to find each other: soul mates. How incredibly romantic! That idea reminded me of a song from one of my favorite childhood movies:
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once
Upon a dream
Sleeping Beauty
And, the most romantic idea occurred to me: I already knew my future husband. I started to recognize and identify my soul as something that was not of this world, something that had connections with the eternal and the Heavenly. My soul was destined to unite with another soul, who was also trapped in human form somewhere in the world. Even though I wouldn't recognize his earthly form, when we collided on earth, each pursuing our own individual godly purposes, our souls would recognize each other.
Stay with me! I promise it is not my intent to over-spiritualize this. But, the thing is, that's what we are. We are skin and bone, but what matters are our souls and our spirits. Right?
God gave us these magnificent souls, wrapped them in human form, and set our lives in motion. The Creator of all things, who fashioned and formed me very specifically and particularly, who knows absolutely everything about me, had already promised me a husband and soul mate. I realized that before when I was husband hunting, I was not trusting that God was going to provide something that he had already promised me. My husband was already mine. I did not need to win him or claim him; he was already promised to me, and I to him. I was truly my husband's betrothed. And I acted like it--like a woman who was spoken for.
Since the moment that Scooter asked me on our very first date, I have known that I am the only one in his life. I have known that I am the apple of his eye and the object of his affections. My confidence in these things never faltered. Do you think for one second that a relationship that spurs from the winning of a competition of short skirts and flirty laughs can boast the same confidence? Doubtful.
But, the key to this paradigm was that in order to obtain this sort of relationship, I had to be recognizable to my future husband. Because he would not recognize me as his based on my outward appearance, but by my heart, I had some close examination to do. I believed that our souls were destined for each other by God. So, it seemed logical to me that this meant that I should be as close to God's heart as possible. What I realized very quickly was that I was nowhere near as close to God's heart as I could be.
What I am trying to say is that finding your future husband is not about growing into the best Single Woman. It's about growing into the best Christian that you can be. It's about getting as close to God's heart as you can. Finding my future husband was not going to be like a blind date; my descriptors were not going to be, "I'll be the one in the little black dress with a Bible in my hand." I already knew who the man that I was looking for would be looking for: "I'll be the one making disciples, serving my church, seeking out God's will for my life, studying His word, singing His songs, etc."
That's the kind of woman that man you're looking for is looking for. Not the one who laughs the most flirtatiously. Not the one who flips her hair just right. Not the one incessantly asking God to fill her hunger for a husband. But the one who incessantly asks God to fill her hunger for Himself, and His word, and His purpose.
So, that is exactly what I did. I pursued and pursued and pursued God. And He did not let me down. He romanced me in ways that I never knew I could be. He set a mighty high bar for Scooter. I was so incredibly romanced by my Creator, that I had actually stopped looking around for my husband. In this way, God showed me exactly how to recognize my soul mate. And, you know what? I did. This was not a love-at-first-sight kind of thing. But, it was pretty fast. When I got to know Scooter's heart, I knew. I recognized him. I cannot in earthly words describe to you what sort of feelings came over me when I recognized him.
Every girl deserves this feeling. But first, you've got some work to do. You are first and foremost a Christian, so act like it. Do not let your hunger for a husband make you unrecognizable to your own soul mate. Let the God who created you romance you to the ends of the earth. Let God show you how to recognize your future husband. Trust God to fill your appetite with something so much better than you could have dreamed of. There is no shame or disappointment in this.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
On Conservative and Charismatic Worship
As most of you know, I am one of the leaders for Southpoint Community Church's college group, Resolution.
One of the reasons I love Resolution (and Southpoint) is because I feel comfortable to worship the way that I want. I feel at home in the midst of a worship session, and that's what's important to me in a worship session, and Resolution makes that happen.
(Thanks, Res!)
I have been doing a lot of thinking about worship lately, and about how many organizations have very conservative worships settings (or, in some cases, no worship [as in with music] at all).
Let me begin by saying that I see nothing wrong with conservative worship styles; some people are just more conservative or shy than others. I do mind being made to feel badly about the way that I and my friends choose to praise Jesus. I hear a lot (and, I mean, a lot) of "Oh, yeah those crazy people who sing and lift their hands and jump up and down, they are so weird." Why? Why am I weird?
I would implore you to ask these questions:
How do you act at a concert?
What do you do at a dance party or formal?
How do you react when you reunite with a friend that you haven't seen in a long time?
Do you sing along to the radio in the car (if you're anything like my sister and me, this singing is usually accompanied by loudness and hand gestures.)?
If your answers to any of these questions were "singing loudly", "dancing", "shouting", "jumping" or any other gesture or action of enthusiasm, volume or emotion, then why are we the weird ones for doing these things for the only one worthy of all of our praise?
If you are willing to make that much of a fool out of yourself for a performing artist who has no idea who you are, or to songs about nothing, then why won't you give at least that much to the God who died for you?
David, one of the greatest Kings of Israel, man after God's own heart, said "I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this" (2 Samuel 6:21b-22a).
I don't know about you, but I am definitely striving to be more like David. I mean, man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22)? I'd love to be known as something of the like.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
On Soulmates
Do you believe in soulmates?
The topic seems to be trending among my peers, stemming from an ongoing conversation about predestination vs. free will. I find it interesting how many people have conflicting views concerning these topics--belief in predestination, but not soulmates, or belief in free will with soulmates. Maybe we're confused about what "soulmates" actually are. Maybe we're confused about what all of these words mean.
A soulmate, by definition, is "one with whom one shares strong affinity [a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.]"[dictionary.com].
Furthermore, I will say that I believe in free will in a predestined universe. "Destiny" is "something that is to happen... to a particular person." I think the problem a lot of people have with the word "predestination" is the implication that God is forcing us to do something that, perhaps, we have no desire to do; God has decided our fates for us. I believe that we have the ability to make choices for ourselves, but I also believe that God knows all of our steps before we take them. This doesn't make our decisions any less ours, God simply knows the decisions we're going to make beforehand.
Therefore, given that we choose a life according to God's standards and biblical law, where does the concept of soulmates come into the equation?
It's fair to say that the idea of soulmates has been overly-mystified over the centuries, but it's important to remember that the concept existed long before Jesus was born. Greek philosophers and writers were infatuated with the concept of "twin souls," separated upon entering physical bodies, and in a life-long search for one another on earth.
"Bashert" is the Yiddish word for "destiny," and is used in the context of a predetermined spouse in Jewish culture; "basherte" is used to denote the female and "basherter" the male in a predestined marriage. One of the famous Jewish proverbs dictates that "marriages are made in heaven."
Actually, it doesn't sound so mystical anymore. It sounds biblical to me; it sounds superbly and exquisitely romantic.
There are billions of people on the planet, and surely many with whom one could find compatibility enough for marriage, but what of real, true soulmates? What about "twin souls"? Is this an overly-romanticized concept that makes for great movies and books, but doesn't carry any weight in real life? Or is this something real that too many people deny themselves in a world filled with liars, cheaters, and heart-breakers?
My past dating relationships were more than disappointing. They left me bitter, jaded, hurt, closed-off, walled-in; after a while, I was certain that if I watched one more relationship fail, I would simply move to Europe and forget about everyone else.
And then I dated again. And it failed again. And something amazing happened: I was alright.
Of course, I was hurt, and lonely, and a little angry. The truth of the matter is that, ultimately, I was content in then singleness that was obviously meant to be at the time. I began doing a lot of self-searching, and I realized that, despite my contentedness, my ideas about my future husband were rapidly changing, and I almost didn't realize it.
Some of the people around me--very well-meaning people, mind you--in an attempt, I'm sure, to be encouraging and motivating, were telling me, in more eloquent words that I can force myself to conjure, that I needed to lower my expectations for my future husband; that the man I had in mind simply did not exist.
I tried to find a balance between thinking realistically and not forgetting that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), but these seemed like conflicting ideas. God is not a God of delusion and disappointment, after all. I began to make it my prayer that my desires for my own life and God's desires would align, that whoever I was going to end up with would be exactly who God designed for me.
"Designed." The word came up again and again. This is what led to the "soulmate" conversation. This is when I began researching where the idea came from, and this is what I decided I believe:
I think, first of all, that God is the ultimate Romancer of our souls. He is love, and every page of the Bible is testament to this fact. His relationship with His people is the greatest love story ever told, and to expect anything less than a man whose desire is to love his wife the way that God loves us is to do a disservice to oneself and to God's handiwork (i.e., relationships in general; He is, after all, the Inventor of love and relationships.).
I think my idea of what a soulmate is is akin to the Greek idea of "twin souls." In my mind, a relationship is like a living organism designed by God Himself and composed of two major parts; two souls. I think that relationships are only successful when you enter into them with that only other person who can perfectly and seamlessly compose the other half of the relationship, and when you let God, the Designer of that relationship, do what He will with it.
So, don't fret, darlings! I'm tired of girls being deceived into thinking that just because there are a few jerks in the universe they need to lower their expectations for their romantic lives. Don't do it! God didn't offer His Son to save our souls so that we could live disappointing, sub-par lives.
The topic seems to be trending among my peers, stemming from an ongoing conversation about predestination vs. free will. I find it interesting how many people have conflicting views concerning these topics--belief in predestination, but not soulmates, or belief in free will with soulmates. Maybe we're confused about what "soulmates" actually are. Maybe we're confused about what all of these words mean.
A soulmate, by definition, is "one with whom one shares strong affinity [a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.]"[dictionary.com].
Furthermore, I will say that I believe in free will in a predestined universe. "Destiny" is "something that is to happen... to a particular person." I think the problem a lot of people have with the word "predestination" is the implication that God is forcing us to do something that, perhaps, we have no desire to do; God has decided our fates for us. I believe that we have the ability to make choices for ourselves, but I also believe that God knows all of our steps before we take them. This doesn't make our decisions any less ours, God simply knows the decisions we're going to make beforehand.
Therefore, given that we choose a life according to God's standards and biblical law, where does the concept of soulmates come into the equation?
It's fair to say that the idea of soulmates has been overly-mystified over the centuries, but it's important to remember that the concept existed long before Jesus was born. Greek philosophers and writers were infatuated with the concept of "twin souls," separated upon entering physical bodies, and in a life-long search for one another on earth.
"Bashert" is the Yiddish word for "destiny," and is used in the context of a predetermined spouse in Jewish culture; "basherte" is used to denote the female and "basherter" the male in a predestined marriage. One of the famous Jewish proverbs dictates that "marriages are made in heaven."
Actually, it doesn't sound so mystical anymore. It sounds biblical to me; it sounds superbly and exquisitely romantic.
There are billions of people on the planet, and surely many with whom one could find compatibility enough for marriage, but what of real, true soulmates? What about "twin souls"? Is this an overly-romanticized concept that makes for great movies and books, but doesn't carry any weight in real life? Or is this something real that too many people deny themselves in a world filled with liars, cheaters, and heart-breakers?
My past dating relationships were more than disappointing. They left me bitter, jaded, hurt, closed-off, walled-in; after a while, I was certain that if I watched one more relationship fail, I would simply move to Europe and forget about everyone else.
And then I dated again. And it failed again. And something amazing happened: I was alright.
Of course, I was hurt, and lonely, and a little angry. The truth of the matter is that, ultimately, I was content in then singleness that was obviously meant to be at the time. I began doing a lot of self-searching, and I realized that, despite my contentedness, my ideas about my future husband were rapidly changing, and I almost didn't realize it.
Some of the people around me--very well-meaning people, mind you--in an attempt, I'm sure, to be encouraging and motivating, were telling me, in more eloquent words that I can force myself to conjure, that I needed to lower my expectations for my future husband; that the man I had in mind simply did not exist.
I tried to find a balance between thinking realistically and not forgetting that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), but these seemed like conflicting ideas. God is not a God of delusion and disappointment, after all. I began to make it my prayer that my desires for my own life and God's desires would align, that whoever I was going to end up with would be exactly who God designed for me.
"Designed." The word came up again and again. This is what led to the "soulmate" conversation. This is when I began researching where the idea came from, and this is what I decided I believe:
I think, first of all, that God is the ultimate Romancer of our souls. He is love, and every page of the Bible is testament to this fact. His relationship with His people is the greatest love story ever told, and to expect anything less than a man whose desire is to love his wife the way that God loves us is to do a disservice to oneself and to God's handiwork (i.e., relationships in general; He is, after all, the Inventor of love and relationships.).
I think my idea of what a soulmate is is akin to the Greek idea of "twin souls." In my mind, a relationship is like a living organism designed by God Himself and composed of two major parts; two souls. I think that relationships are only successful when you enter into them with that only other person who can perfectly and seamlessly compose the other half of the relationship, and when you let God, the Designer of that relationship, do what He will with it.
So, don't fret, darlings! I'm tired of girls being deceived into thinking that just because there are a few jerks in the universe they need to lower their expectations for their romantic lives. Don't do it! God didn't offer His Son to save our souls so that we could live disappointing, sub-par lives.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
On The Holy Spirit
Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the [Holy] Spirit;
1 Thessalonians 5:19 (AMP)
My Pentecostal background is about to show itself; Consider yourself warned.
I have been thinking a lot about the exact meaning of this verse; I have taken to writing it down on post-its and putting them in my direct view every day, reminding myself of the words and diction, tossing and turning them in my mind to fully understand their meaning and relevance to my life.
The diction of the verse is very important, though some of the pertinence is lost in translation. I believe those behind the Amplified translation of the Bible know this, and that is why they made it--to relieve the Bible of at least some of its ambiguities and "gray areas," to suppress argument, strife, and perhaps even some stress behind understanding God's intentions behind every verse.
"Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the [Holy] Spirit." This is exceedingly direct for a God who loves to speak in metaphors and parables. Therefore, there is a significance to this directness; There was to be no misunderstanding the instruction in this case; no personalization of this rule, and it is the same for everyone: Do not quench the Spirit.
"Do not..."
Don't do it! It's quite simple, really. There's no argument here.
Don't do it! It's quite simple, really. There's no argument here.
"...quench..."
Suppress or subdue. Also easy to understand. So far, "Do not quench..." or "Do not subdue or suppress..." Got it.
"...the Spirit."
Whoa. Now I can see where people may become overwhelmed.
Who is the Holy Spirit?
Before I can process this thought any further, I feel it necessary to define who I believe the Holy Spirit to be, and what that means in my life.
Before I can process this thought any further, I feel it necessary to define who I believe the Holy Spirit to be, and what that means in my life.
I feel that most of us (myself and people who read this) have a basic knowledge of the Trinity. If not, I'd love to blog about it later. Essentially, three in one. While I am aware that they are all God, I see them as different expressions of the same God (while I'm here, feel free to tell me when I make zero sense). God is the all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing, Creator of the universe; Jesus is God in the flesh; the Holy Spirit is our helpmate and guide through our lives. He is the part of God that plays an active role in everything that we do every day. The Bible says "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever-- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you" (John 14:16-17). Romans 8:27 says "the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
The Holy Spirit is a Counselor, and He intercedes on our behalf. He is that faithful companion, the shoulder to cry on, the one who actively works for the good in our lives.
So, the Holy Spirit is a good guy, on our side, a help in times of despair--why is this verse so threatening? "Do not quench the Spirit." One reason for feeling overcome with confusion, I believe, is this: the implication is that it is possible for you to quench, suppress, or subdue the Holy Spirit. Personally, the fact that something that I can do can hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in my life or the lives of those around me does not sit well. I actually had a difficult time with this passage until recently.
Without diving into specifics, I recently felt the affects of someone quenching the Holy Spirit in my own life. The worst part about this experience was that it was not the person's intention. Actually, the intention was to help me (and others) to engage in worship and prayer. Unfortunately, the exact opposite effect was the direct consequence of these exhortations. I wasn't completely aware that it was happening, I just knew that I was trying harder than is usually necessary to have a desperately-needed moment with God, and something was getting in the way of that. What made this worse was that I felt powerless against it; It wasn't until I was alone at home with my Bible that I was finally able to concentrate and get what I felt I needed from God that night.
I think, at least in this case, this hindering has a lot to do with trusting (or not trusting) the Holy Spirit to do its job. It's an elementary example of not "letting go and letting God." It's also a testament to the devastating consequences that not trusting God can have in our lives and the lives of others. We can affect how God works in life. This is an obvious example, but what about the non-obvious cases?
How many times has my desire to have control over my own life actually hurt me? If I retrace my own steps, I can see where the Holy Spirit was prompting me to do one thing, and I did another because it made more sense to me at the time. Where did I end up as a result of these actions? Hurt, alone, confused, abandoned, rejected, jaded, broken, blinded, scarred, terrified, mortified, embarrassed, humiliated--these are not the purposes for which God designed me.
This is where the fruit comes in.
When we let the Holy Spirit control our lives instead of taking our own misguided and selfish advice, what is the end result?
But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].
...I am loving: I have a love I can't explain for the people in my life. Those people can feel how much I love them, and I can feel their love for me as well. I have a love that cannot be quenched or doused in any way.
How many times has my desire to have control over my own life actually hurt me? If I retrace my own steps, I can see where the Holy Spirit was prompting me to do one thing, and I did another because it made more sense to me at the time. Where did I end up as a result of these actions? Hurt, alone, confused, abandoned, rejected, jaded, broken, blinded, scarred, terrified, mortified, embarrassed, humiliated--these are not the purposes for which God designed me.
This is where the fruit comes in.
When we let the Holy Spirit control our lives instead of taking our own misguided and selfish advice, what is the end result?
But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].
Galatians 5:22-23 (AMP)
Now it all makes sense. It can be tempting to quench the Holy Spirit (even without knowing it), because the thought of letting someone or something else control your life is scary; Not having absolute control is intimidating and terrifying. However, how has doing it your way worked for you so far? Do I need to repeat my list of consequences of having control over my own life? I fear too many would have a similar list. When I let the Holy Spirit guide and counsel me in my decisions...
...I am loving: I have a love I can't explain for the people in my life. Those people can feel how much I love them, and I can feel their love for me as well. I have a love that cannot be quenched or doused in any way.
...I am joyful: I am filled with a happiness that does not depend on the actions of people (not my family, nor my friends, nor any others), who have failed me time and time again, and left me stripped of joy and gladness. I am reminded constantly of God's enduring and faithful love for me, and it fills me with a happiness that must be expressed at every possible moment.
...I am at peace: Peace is something that eluded me for many years. In fact, I'm not sure I knew what peace was during the entire duration of my adolescence. Only in the last year or so of my life have I had moments where I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, what it is to be at peace, to know that God has not forgotten or abandoned me, to know that He saw every tear I shed over every person who ever hurt me, and to know that He had the plan that was going to relieve that kind of pain. All I had to do was accept His plan and His will, even if I didn't know exactly what the plan entailed. He hasn't failed me yet.
...I am patient: I have found that when you pray for God to grant you patience, He doesn't so much instill automatic patience within you, but gives you opportunities to be patient. Sometimes I am successful, other times, not-so-much. But when it really counts, I can feel the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart, and telling me to hold on, to wait, to listen, to take a breath--that He's got it, and I simply need to be patient to discover what His plans are.
...I am kind: We don't see a lot of kindness in today's world. We see "niceness," but not genuine, selfless kindness. The Holy Spirit is the only thing that could possibly give me the capacity to exhibit such a rare trait.
...I am good: There is a reason why Paul mentions "kindness" and "goodness." While kindness implies an inexplicable friendliness, goodness connotes selfless charitableness. Anyone who has been paying any sort of attention to the world around them is aware that such behavior does not exist in human nature. That is why it is a fruit of the Spirit.
...I am faithful: Unfortunately, this doesn't exist in human nature either, and some of us are reminded of it every day. Divorce is an obvious example; I myself have struggled with the fidelity of not only friends, but a boyfriend as well. Our generation, for one reason or another, has a weak spot for unfaithfulness. When the Holy Spirit is living and active in our lives and the lives of those with whom we choose to be in intimate relationship, these fears of infidelity or non-trustworthiness can dissipate so that true relationship can form, and so we can experience more of God in those faithful relationships.
...I am gentle: The Holy Spirit not only gives you peace, but gives you the ability to pacify others (a characteristic of gentleness). I believe gentleness is also exemplified in the softening of our hearts when we let the Holy Spirit do its work. I have had a lot of people tell me that after what I've experienced, they see no reason for me to have any grace with friends or romantic relationships, but my heart, while it has learned quite a few lessons, is relentless. What could explain this? Not determination in people on my part. Faith in what the Holy Spirit can do is what keeps us moving when the world expects us to stop; it's what keeps us soft and warm when the world tries to make us hard and cold.
...I have self-control: I have boundaries, and the ability to say "yes" and "no." I make the right decisions--not the easy decisions, but the right ones. I know when to hold my tongue, and how to control my actions and behaviors. It is never easy, but I am certainly better off for it.
None of the above qualities are inherent in human nature. That is why we need to Holy Spirit. I would encourage you, Church, to examine yourself and ask if the Holy Spirit is truly in control of your life, not just for your benefit, but for the benefit of those you love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)